Abaddon - He saw some freaky stuff in the Font of Avernus. "Sex means something different to me."

Alchemist - Pimping ain't easy, especially when your only prostitute is a chubby ogre, but he's determined to make that gold.

Ancient Apparition - At his best in long-distance relationships.

Anti-Mage - Strictly ordinary, old-fashioned, lie back and think of Turstarkuri sexual intercourse. Basically, Anti-Fun.

Arc Warden - It's a threesome every time, even if the other guy doesn't last long.

Axe - AXE IS AXE!

Bane - Will grip your dick so hard you'll have nightmares.

Batrider - He talks a big game around women, but seems to spend all his time with bats. Hot bats.

Beastmaster - Insists on letting his pets watch.

Bloodseeker - Does not make "is it your time of the month" jokes. He already knows, you understand.

Bounty Hunter - Whatever you want, babe, but it'll cost you.

Brewmaster - Wakes up every morning with a traffic cone, an empty barrel and a panda he does not remember meeting.

Bristleback - Sneeze fetishist.

Broodmother - It's hard to get back into the dating scene when you're a single mother with thousands of babies. Mostly she just watches romcoms by herself.

Centaur Warrunner - Despite his brutish lack of manners, he's popular because of a certain impressive asset.

Chaos Knight - He's wild, he's unpredictable! One moment you're making out, next he's made a mess of his underpants.

Chen - Missionary position.

Clinkz - Cursed for all eternity to live in searing torment, Clinkz has rather neglected his love-life.

Clockwerk - Potential partners quickly discover the real reason for the armour is Rattletrap is a never-nude.

Crystal Maiden - The 'maiden' part is not strictly accurate.

Dark Seer - People find it difficult to get past his prickly shell. Just loves a good scalp massage though.

Dazzle - You've given everything you've got, you're sweaty and exhausted, but that hero is finally gonna be finished. Then, nothing, you just can't end it. Meet Dazzle: he's into edging.

Death Prophet - Expert at sucking, just don't say anything to distract her.

Disruptor - Ending a relationship with him is difficult. No matter how far you go you always end up back in his bed.

Doom - Vore.

Dragon Knight - His knightly vow of chastity strangely did not mention lizard sex.

Drow Ranger - Refuses to let anybody get close to her.

Earth Spirit - Was surprised to find out that people do not appreciate being turned into a statue on a first date.

Earthshaker - He'll rock your world.

Elder Titan - Did you feel the Earth move too?

Ember Spirit - Into extremely hot bondage.

Enchantress - She's not picky. She can't afford to be, given her choices are limited to "deer fetishists".

Enigma - Thinks everything revolves around him.

Faceless Void - Can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my poker face.

Gyrocopter - "What's that? Sex? I haven't had that in forty years, youngun!"

Huskar - Dives right into every relationship, and he always gets hurt.

Invoker - Nobody's ever good enough for Carl.

Io - Beep boop.

Jakiro - Can't get a commitment from this guy. He's hot then he's cold...

Juggernaut - Jumps from person to person seemingly at random.

Keeper of the Light - You try riding a horse since the beginning of time and see how functional your genitals are. He wasn't even a young man to begin with.

Kunkka - Got a girl in every port.

Legion Commander - Serial monogamist. All her relationships quickly end in acrimony.

Leshrac - Existence is torment, and the bedroom is no exception.

Lich - Prefers older, experienced ladies: "Lich gonna have your mama!"

Lifestealer - Anal every time. There is nobody he wouldn't get into.

Lina - Just don't say her sister is hotter.

Lion - Very talented with his hands. Well, one hand.

Lone Druid - Hangs around all the bear clubs.

Luna - "Come Nova!"

Lycan - Doggy style, of course.

Magnus - Always horny.

Medusa - More than one partner has asked her to wear a paper bag.

Meepo - Selfcest orgies.

Mirana - Crazy cat lady.

Monkey King - Very good at peeking in bedrooms from the trees.

Morphling - He'll adapt to your needs.

Naga Siren - The fantastic singing voice almost makes up for the overwhelming smell of fish.

Nature's Prophet - All-natural, out in the woods under the stars, just as nature intended.

Necrophos - Not interested unless you have an infectious STD. Or want one.

Night Stalker - Has restraining orders against him pretty much everywhere.

Nyx Assassin - "nyx nyx nyx nyxnyx nyxnyxnyxNYX nyxnyxNYXNYXNYXNYX NYYYYYYYYYYYYXXX nyx."

Ogre Magi - "My turn this time!"

Omniknight - Your guardian angel is always watching, even in the shower.

Oracle - "Will I ever see you again?" "That is... one possibility."

Outworld Devourer - Dates tend to go south once he mentions his profession. Outhouses are not glamorous, no matter how well decorated.

Phantom Assassin - She'll finish in a second and you'll never see her again.

Phantom Lancer - Fed up of people saying "I just want to get to know the real you."

Phoenix - Watersports.

Puck - Asexual: "What strange games you mortals play."

Pudge - An obese, smelly hooker. Reminds me of you.

Pugna - The inventor of the reverse blowjob.

Queen of Pain - She's a succubus called Queen of Pain, take a wild stab in the dark as to what she's into.

Razor - He thinks there was definitely a spark between them at his last date. Then again, he always thinks that.

Riki - Actually very respectful of privacy and personal space. He's an assassin, not a pervert.

Rubick - Will try anything.

Sand King - Caustic Finale makes it difficult to maintain relationships.

Shadow Demon - All the excitement happens on the fifth date.

Shadow Fiend - Who does he think he is, collecting his jar of souls?

Shadow Shaman - Popular guy. You would be too if you could summon a writhing mass of dildos at will.

Silencer - Make so much as a squeak and he'll kick you outside in the nude.

Skywrath Mage - Has a massive crush on Vengeful Spirit, but he's too chicken to admit it.

Slardar - Dude's been working out, had a makeover. Single and ready to mingle.

Slark - He'll tie you down.

Sniper - Rear Window is his favourite porno.

Spectre - She'll literally go chasing five guys at once.

Spirit Breaker - Once he's chosen someone, he does not give up. Even when he should.

Storm Spirit - Surpisingly agile for such a big guy.

Sven - He thinks of himself as a sweet talker, even though nobody understands him.

Techies - They always leave crusty socks lying around and somebody always steps on them.

Templar Assassin - In a happy long-term relationship with Wagamama.

Terrorblade - When even other demons refuse to date a guy, you know he's bad news.

Tidehunter - Will not shut up about his ex, Kunkka.

Timbersaw - He only says he hates trees because secretly he has a crush on Treant and he can't deal with it.

Tinker - Has a refractory period of 0.75 seconds.

Tiny - He's a grower, not a shower.

Treant Protector - Look, I'm not a biologist, he probably does something with flowers.

Troll Warlord - Orgasms in seconds, then blames everyone else.

Tusk - If you think Walrus punch is effective, wait till you see what he can do further down. And I don't mean Walrus Kick.

Underlord - Armpit fetishist.

Undying - Necrophiliac. It's OK though, he's a corpse himself.

Ursa - Becomes insanely jealous if anyone else goes near Roshan.

Vengeful Spirit - Pegging. She loves role-reversal.

Venomancer - Is a wriggling ball of sexually transmitted diseases. Every single one.

Viper - He's been trying to fix his look recently. Still no luck.

Visage - The Narrow Maze is not the most romantic place to meet.

Warlock - Prefers to watch his golem get all the action.

Weaver - Time Lapse has some interesting applications in bed.

Windranger - "Windranger gets there first!"

Winter Wyvern - Sells her own dragon erotica on Amazon.

Witch Doctor - He's decided to avoid sex until he finds the cure for crippling back pain.

Wraith King - "I'M BALLING OUT OF CONTROL!"

Zeus - Likes submissive women and teenage boys. He's an Ancient Greek.