Sometimes i fell like the world would be a better place without me I make everyone around me upset, alot of people dont like me uncluding my parents.
I wish I could just become someone else I whish I could start at day one and have ability to start over. Nothing in life makes me happy anymore, I dont have my phone so i cant talk to people and feel safe, I cant talk to my parents they'll just yell at me, I feel so alone,people say you have support at school but they dont take me home, they dont know my home life, I wish I wasnt terrified of my parents and I wish they didnt hate me so much, I miss my friends, I miss my old life, I miss being happy, I miss wanting to be alive. At this point I dont care if I live of die I sick of this I sick of everything. I think my dad's gonna come home and hit me and throw away all my things, god I wish things were differently, I get treated with no respect at all, yes i did something wrong but how am i supposed to own up to it if Im too worried, Im going to get killed for it, I was quoting a video, I hate myself Im such a fuck up, I know I have no future, Im probably going to go nowhere in like ...(не понял совсем) no one cares, I should just kill myself, start over start fresh, new life new everything. Im kind of hesitant because i like myself a little and I own a lot of cool things but I dont know, things would be so much better if I got the chance to try again. I would feel bad for adelia nad eliott amd john gaj(y?i?) but thats it. I would miss eliott so much, but i might as well be dead because I cant even talk to him. Im so cold, im being forced to sit outside I might start eating salt rocks so maybe ill die, nothing but my cat+dog+art brings me joy, im constantly depressed, i cut myseld alot because I want to feel something other than sadness, I dont want to move in(im?) so cold. Something wrong with me I can tell I want to kill myself right now, god i cant do this anymore the stress is still piling up and i cant take it i just cant my parents make me feel selfish for having feelings, if i ran away now, would they notice? I could run all the way to allen's house maybe I wish I had money so i could get on a bus far far away maybe go to texas where only eliott knows me, that life would be fun, im still sitting here on the stairs, I cant feel my legs maybe ill die soon who knows. xoxo - richie